I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
