Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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