and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
