The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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