Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This baby is an asshole
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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