it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
