I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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