For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
