Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
