I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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