I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
