I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
