i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
