she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
