Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
