pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i've created a new STD.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
