I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
