Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
