i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
