If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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