the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
