don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's get the cat blown out
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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