just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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