turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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