All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
