Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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