Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
