Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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