It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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