My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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