I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
