i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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