I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
