Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
