I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
