Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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