youre lurking in front of me
i love accidental penises.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
