wanna go halves on a baby?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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