Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
