My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Text me some of your sweat
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