she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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