I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
