You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
