if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can I color on your dick again?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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