Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
