She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
