i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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