Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
