Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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