I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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