We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
