Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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