she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
