two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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