How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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