Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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