she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
