Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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