she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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