just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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