My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
