That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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