Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All the doctor said was why
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
