That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
