my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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