so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
