Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
