im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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