Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
