My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
