Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
